With house prices and mortgage rates on the rise, many prospective first time home buyers are wondering if they’ve been priced out of living in most American cities. A leading economist studying the trend says that prospective buyers can still find affordable places to buy if they simply move to a place that sucks serious ass.
“A critical error I see many first time homebuyers make is that they look in places where people would actually want to live,” said Prof. Brackston Keithard, 63, Dean of Economics at Harvard, “but they need to try looking at places where no one wants to live. And I’m not talking about some lame suburb, I’m talking about places that were only bustling in the 1800s and have since been forgotten by humans and left for nature to reclaim them.”
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Keithard recommends looking at places where there were gold rushes that ended a long time ago. “Places with no art scene, places where there’s only one restaurant and it’s called ‘Ketchup on Bread,’ places where everything closes early because a deadly fog rolls in at dusk.”
“And make sure the places you’re looking at are far from any amenities that might raise the property value. If it’s within three hours of any hospital, you probably can’t afford it.”
Keithard, whose family has owned a row of townhouses in Boston since the Boston Tea Party, says he empathizes with those looking to enter the housing market.
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“You really only have three options: wait for the housing bubble to burst and hope it doesn’t take us all with it, encourage affordable housing in urban areas and hope NIMBYs like me don’t find out and crush you, or find some piece of shit place no one would be desperate enough to live in and be desperate enough to live there.”
Keithard concluded our interview by recommending several towns where we might be able to afford homes, including Bleached Skull, NE, Unincorporated Mining Facility #3, OK, and Gary, IN.
