RIVER NORTH – Drinking while outside is key to setting our Chicago summers apart from the dreary rest of the year, when all there is to do is drink inside. Replacing the setting for the alcohol consumption means it can happen at any time of day, for any occasion, and at any altitude level. Everyone knows that drinking while on a rooftop is the peak of class and luxury, and a brand new venue in River North is streamlining the whole thing. It's just a roof on stilts.
With considerable stretches of property having been left vacant for years, developers of the hottest new nightlife experience Sips on Stilts had a genius idea. “People just love drinking on rooftops,” CEO Markus Chungley, 23, explained to our reporters. “Well, they love drinking. For some reason being on a roof gives them a little extra thrill.”
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Most rooftop bars tout a beautiful scenic landscape to watch the sunset, or stunning skyline views. “No, yeah, we kinda just have the backend of a Mariano’s. If you lean out dangerously far you might see the Sears Tower.” Chungley sighed. “But legally, we can’t recommend you try to do that.”
When faced with questions of how patrons will be getting up to the “roof” Chungley shifted on his feet. “Okay, so, I have a buddy of mine who used to do construction, and he still has a couple cherry-pickers. We were just gonna put some string lights on them and call it a day. People love string lights.”
We spoke to aspiring patron Randall Logan, 35, about their hopes for the new space. “I can’t wait, personally. You know how lots of people are scared of heights? I’m the exact opposite. Heights fuel me.” Logan commented while free soloing a light post. “I’m so excited to host my next work party perilously swaying on stilts. While everyone else is worried about their imminent fall to earth, I’m gonna be throwing back shots and shaking ass. Well, not shaking or throwing too hard it’s a fine balancing act.”
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Once this endeavor surely succeeds, we asked CEO Chungley what his next project will be. “I’m sure folks are gonna love this, but just in case it crashes and um, burns so to speak, I’m thinking of elevating the classic ‘speakeasy.’ Too many of them are just basement height, I want to go miles below sea level and find some gophers to tend bar. People love gophers.”
