UPTOWN — Earlier this week Edgewater and Uptown residents celebrated the re-opening of four CTA Red Line stations that had been closed for renovations for nearly four years. The re-openings were celebrated with an inaugural “first ride” between the four stops and a special commemoration of the first lucky rider to piss on a new station.
According to the CTA, Josh “Joshy” McDale, 29, a resident of Uptown, was the lucky rider to spill first piss as he arrived home on Sunday morning after a night of raucous drinking with “his boys.” McDale was unaware of the ceremony taking place at the new Lawrence station, and admits he thought he was already back in his apartment on Gunnison St. when he urinated on the first wall he saw getting off the train.
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“I just needed to pee, man. And then there was a bunch of people around me throwing the little tiny paper.” said McDale, who reported he had nearly a dozen White Claw hard seltzers, and those things really make you have to piss.
“I didn’t even know it was new station day. I just really had to go. Confetti, that’s what the paper’s called.”
After taking an impressive two minute, twenty-three second piss on the wall, McDale’s contribution to the newly minted stations was commemorated with a firm handshake from a CTA train operator and an appropriately-golden medal.
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“I guess I want to thank my boys, for encouraging me to get so fucked up,” said McDale in an impromptu speech given to the gathered crowd. “And to my weak-ass bladder. I fuckin’ suck to road trip with, I gotta stop at like every gas station. Thank you, I love you.”
McDale’s words were met with rapturous applause before the crowd bustled back on “first ride” train, partially to back away from his quickly spreading puddle of urine, but mostly because they’d heard someone was taking a shit in the trashcan at Bryn Mawr and they needed to get there in time to give them a trophy.
