Chicago Style! Man Can Only Sleep With Radiator Clanging Like It’s About to Explode, Window Open, Fan On

BUCKTOWN — Everyone knows Chicago has its own way of doing things and we all have our own way of showing our unique Chicago Style. Take Jeremy Reynolds, 25, a cashier, he’s so Chicago that he can only sleep with his fan on and windows open to make up for the fact that his radiator is so hot that the pipes clang like it’s about to explode. Now that’s what we call Chicago Style!

Every night Jeremy drifts off to a deep, Chicago Style sleep with the pipes of his radiator making a sound like an Autobot and Decepticon fistfighting in his wall, all while lying on top of his covers with a fan going full blast and the window opened to make up for the unbearable heat of the screaming, pressurized steam all around him! The best part? His body has become so used to this sleeping situation that he literally can’t fall asleep if his room doesn’t sound and feel like a sauna inside a construction zone! Chicago Style!

“When I met him at the bar I thought Jeremy was nice, but kinda plain. Sort of like an Italian beef sandwich, undipped and giardiniera-less,” said Beth Valens, 23, a dental hygienist” but when I went home with him and found the only way to sleep in his apartment is with a rickety ceiling fan going at full blast and the window open, and all while hearing a sound that sounded like someone trying to bash through the wall with a battering ram made of metal they found in the junkyard. When I felt the cool breeze from outside mingling on my face with the near-jungle temperatures inside, I thought ‘damn, this guy is Chicago Style!’”

“Sometimes I am worried its going to blow up and and maim me in my sleep,“ bemoaned Jeremy, “but the landlord took off the knobs I think so we couldn’t adjust it ourselves. I asked him if we could get them back because it gets so hot, but he threatened my grandmother through Facebook. And that’s just Chicago style apartment living, baby! Eat your heart out!”


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