Onlookers estimate the pigeon must have been no more than two months old, but said it was eating trash off the ground in the alley like a bird who’d been doing it for years.

Aiden—a 7th grader at Christopher Columbus Middle School who was held back in 6th grade and now lashes out at anyone he perceives as smart or different—has long plagued Chicago city council members. 

LOGAN SQUARE – Last summer, Logan Square’s historic farmers market was granted the spotlight when they became infamous as “

"Look, this theater was built in 1929. Back when people would be happy to get pierced in the butt by rusty springs if it meant they could see a moving picture on the screen. You have to see this in perspective."

If only Chicago had listened to right-leaning news outlets that warned them Johnson would doom everyone.

“These birds’ migrations lead them from the Great Lakes to the shores of the Gulf of Mexico. Most are motivated by season or food sources, but some plovers, like Imani, just migrate for revenge.”

“For the city to acknowledge 4/20 by dyeing the river, I feel like it’ll harsh the vibe. Like, kids coming in from Wrigleyville to eat one edible. That’s amateur hour. You gotta live this lifestyle all year round in order to really understand this momentous day.” 

”We’re hoping to rebrand the issue and turn this problem into another idiosyncratic feature Chicagoans can be proud of, like dibs, political corruption, or sports teams that never win.”

Although the couple was first spotted together this Fall, it’s unknown when they initially crossed paths but sources say they first hooked up at the CTA’s holiday party. Their ups and downs have largely been public, typically occurring on Lake St., Wabash Ave., Van Buren St., and Wells St. 

Political experts and even complete laymen have theorized that Vallas liking several social media posts calling Chicago a “hell hole” and “the kind of city where idiots will vote for anyone” may have damaged his campaign and probably contributed to his brief stint in Chicago city limits.