Man Reading Book On 'L' Twisted Little Pervert Desperate For Attention

THE RED LINE—In a sick attention-seeking stunt last Tuesday at five PM, 24-year-old data analyst Andrew Pierson whipped out a hardcover novel on the red line to Howard and proceeded to read at least twenty pages. Undeterred by the pointed looks and quiet disapproval of the other riders, Pierson kept the book out until disembarking ten stops later to the visible relief of the rest of the car.

“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing at first,” reported visibly shaken fellow passenger Kathleen Connors, 31. “I mean, you know it happens, especially living in the city. You just never think it’ll happen to you until it does.”

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Following the other nine-to-fivers onto the train at Monroe, Pierson snagged a competitive seat, placing his backpack on his lap. After gazing out the window with a faraway look in his eyes, witnesses report that he unzipped his bag and removed a 450-page book with the cold precision of a fisherman gutting a tuna.

“He opened the book up to a random page and then flipped around for a minute or so until he found the right spot,” Connors recounted quietly. “And when he found where he’d left off the last time, he made this horrible little smile that just made my blood run cold. I don’t understand why he couldn’t let well enough alone. If he has to do that crap, why can’t it be in the privacy of his own home?”

Other passengers reported that, despite the crowded nature of the train during rush hour, Pierson appeared engrossed in the book, which one onlooker described as “About cold war detectives or some shit like that.” Sandwiched between an older woman in a blazer looking pained and a gentleman of finance facetiming his lover, all distractions proved unable to deter this nasty pervert from his objective.

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While some had never encountered this type of incident before while using the CTA, others were numbed to this behavior from years of riding public transit. “He was obviously just looking for a reaction,” grad student and fellow passenger Sam Jacobs, 28, noted. “These guys, they’re in it for a response, whether it’s inciting a conversation or even just being on the receiving end of a brunette’s coquettish glance. It’s upsetting, but it’s an unavoidable byproduct of modern society and we should accept it as such.”

When questioned, Jacobs conceded that he reads too, every once in a while. “Yeah,” he admitted, “But I don’t flaunt that around in public like some kind of asshole.”

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