In a season full of spooky spectaculars and scary delights, it can be easy to lose sight of the unsung heroes of Halloween. For example, some of us have been forced to brave all weather and slapdash holiday accessories, only to be expected to uphold the integrity of an entire home’s Halloween display. I would never expect you to work all-year round without so much as a weekend off, and I for one am sick and tired of feeling like a second class plastic skeleton citizen. 

You can’t just slap an Irish flag scarf on me, or force me to hold a bouquet of plastic heart shaped flowers, and expect me not to feel like an imposter. I didn’t sign up to be “year-round-all-holiday-skelly,” I signed up to be 12 ft. Grave & Bones Giant-Sized Skelly with LifeEyes™ LCD Eyes H5! That’s not a job title that me and my family take lightly. 

Year round duty is a lot of responsibility on just one twelve foot skeleton! I have a family to support. Well, I have a skeleton dog that can be purchased separately but he really depends on me to bring home the proverbial bacon. 

Don’t even get me started on the ultimate slackers, the inflatable try-hards you whip out for a few weeks, and then return them to the warmth and safety of the storage unit. They get to be performance ready when called to action, but bones forbid a skeleton get the same kind of respect. Next time you sully my good name by sticking me next to 20 ft Black Cat Halloween Inflatable With Lights, I can’t be held responsible for any poking my sharp skeleton fingers might do. 

What really grinds my skeleton bones about being left out like a forgotten Christmas wreath all year long is that I don’t even scare passersby anymore with my animatronic blinking eyeballs. The whole shock value of my gargantuan plastic form on a regular city street ceases to exist when neighbors get used to me being around, like when I’m humiliated by bunny ears for your Easter celebrations. 

I’ve really been stuck in a kind of one note story with my positioning in the yard, maybe I could make more of a spooky impact by peering through a neighbors window? Or peaking out from behind a tree? See, I have all these great ideas, and where do I have the creative outlet to express them? NOWHERE! Once I can gain enough autonomy to move my feet out of the stakes in the ground, it’ll be over for all of you!