HOUSTON — Foam Party Hats, maker of the cheese grater hat that went viral during last week’s wild card game between the Chicago Bears and Green Bay Packers are looking to capitalize on the momentum of the Bears entering the playoff. Sources at the Texas-based company say they are going “all-in” on a shears design to commemorate the Bears taking on the Los Angeles Rams in the first round.
“We truly captured lightning in a bottle last week,” said Raymond Yates, CEO of Foam Party Hats, “And we’re 100% going to do it again. When we created the cheese grater hat we thought to ourselves ‘what beats cheese?’ Well, we’ve applied the same ‘rock-paper-scissors’ logic to this hat. What beats sheep? Shears. Boom! Another slam-fucking-dunk…or touch-fucking-down or whatever.”
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According to Yates, Foam Party Hats has spent the week making approximately three million shears hats, enough that every person in Chicago could buy one and they’d still have some left over.
“We want to make sure to have some stock not just for Chicago, but also those ‘Johnny-come-lately’ fans jumping on the bandwagon from the burbs,” said Yates, holding up his hand to request a high-five, which our Chicago Genius reporter politely declined
“If these hats don’t sell out, I can’t see this company surviving,” said Ted Lewis, head of accounting for Foam Party Hats. “We’ve leveraged every asset we have to make this order. I tried to explain to Ray that there was more to the grater hat’s success than just the fact that ‘graters beat cheese.’ There’s a rivalry between the Bears and Packers that just doesn’t exist with the Rams!”
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“He just told me ‘everyone hates LA,’ and then tried to get me to high-five him,” continued Lewis. “He’s been really into high-fives all week.”
Shears hats are now available ahead of the game, but Foam Party Hats are far from stopping there. Yates told Chicago Genius reporters that they were already hard at work with designs for potential pairings for the rest of the playoffs.
“I’ll give you this scoop: ‘nets beat seahawks.’ But if you want to know what beats 49ers, you’re just going to have to wait and see. Bears are taking us all the way to the top, as far as I know they’ve never blown an exciting season!” said Yates, demanding yet another high-five.
