Piping Plover Imani Returns to Montrose Beach to Avenge Father
“These birds’ migrations lead them from the Great Lakes to the shores of the Gulf of Mexico. Most are motivated by season or food sources, but some plovers, like Imani, just migrate for revenge.”
To Honor 4/20, City Tie-Dyes River
“For the city to acknowledge 4/20 by dyeing the river, I feel like it’ll harsh the vibe. Like, kids coming in from Wrigleyville to eat one edible. That’s amateur hour. You gotta live this lifestyle all year round in order to really understand this momentous day.”
Chicago Rebrands Potholes as “Deep Dish Street”
”We’re hoping to rebrand the issue and turn this problem into another idiosyncratic feature Chicagoans can be proud of, like dibs, political corruption, or sports teams that never win.”
Break-up Rumors Swirl as Brown Line Seen Giving Green Line Cold Shoulder at State & Lake
Although the couple was first spotted together this Fall, it’s unknown when they initially crossed paths but sources say they first hooked up at the CTA’s holiday party. Their ups and downs have largely been public, typically occurring on Lake St., Wabash Ave., Van Buren St., and Wells St.
Paul Vallas Begins Looking For Subletter for Bridgeport Apartment
Political experts and even complete laymen have theorized that Vallas liking several social media posts calling Chicago a “hell hole” and “the kind of city where idiots will vote for anyone” may have damaged his campaign and probably contributed to his brief stint in Chicago city limits.
IDOT: “Kennedy Expressway Construction Would Go Faster if People Stuck in Traffic Would Get Out of Their Cars and Help”
“Insteada scowlin’ at us inside your cars, why don’t you lend a hand?” said Murphy Talarico, 57, an IDOT foreman on the project. “If everyone poured a little concrete or carried some rebar, we’d have this fuckin’ thing wrapped up real quick.”
Chicago Admits St. Patrick’s Day Parade Held a Week Early So They Can Really Focus On Drinking This Weekend
“After internal discussions within our department and weighing the needs of our team and the citizens of Chicago, we decided ‘who needs all that shit?”
Oscar Awarded to The Bus Driver Who “Didn’t See You” Waiting at Stop
It’s this method of trickery that Wyatt studied as a student of bus driver school.
To Improve Pedestrian Safety, City Urges Residents to Go Full “Bubble Boy”
Instead of the pesky task of implementing traffic control and asking auto- owners not to Wordle and drive, the city went a more defensive route.
Taste of Chicago Announces Move to Chicagoland Speedway
"They offered us Navy Pier, but you really can’t hold this event that close to seagulls."
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