Chicago News

City Paints Bike Lanes Into Hopscotch Trails Just for Fun

“Bikers know by now that we will do absolutely nothing to protect them against the aggressive two thousand pound cars that could flatten them at any moment. So we’re embracing it!”

Riot Fest Attendees Announce Plans to Take It Easy; Not Push Themselves Too Much This Year

“Oh I’ll for sure stay for The Misfits Saturday, but I’ll probably leave a bit early to beat traffic” said Mike Wilson, 43, owner of a bike shop in Avondale. “I don’t want to keep the babysitter too late, and I’d like to get some gardening done first thing in the morning.”

West Side Cop Academy Constructing Fake Courtrooms for Cadets to Simulate Misconduct Hearings

“We try to prepare our cadets for the situations they’re likely to encounter while on the job,” said instructor Jim Nowak, 52. “And for a lot of officers, that involves allegations of misconduct.”

Harold's Chicken Chicago

After Receiving Order, Harold’s Chicken Employee Places Egg in Incubator

After the hatching process, Harold’s employees look after the chicks until they are fully grown, about 18 weeks time.

City Council Now to Issue Car Boot After Vehicle Registration

Beginning next month, each car registration will include a registration sticker plus a personal do-it-yourself-kit that allows car owners to install a new boot on their own vehicles.

Couple pointing at Lake Michigan

Out-Of-Towners Agree “That’s A Big Lake”

“Every time I see Lake Michigan,” he says, “I just think of how small I am. I am nothing. I’m a speck of dust in a universe that continues to expand.”

The Bear Season 2 Moves to Arlington Heights

“We might even change the name from ‘of Chicagoland’ to ‘of Chicago’ to really capture the suburban ideology of identifying with Chicago while also resenting most aspects of what makes it unique.”

Chicago Signs Deal For 10 More Years of Lollapalooza, Then 10 Years of Famine

After the news broke, Chicagoans began stocking up for the years of devastation that will follow the years of Bad Bunny and Loona. Residents citywide cracked open their grain silos to fill with Italian beef, with mothers jarring giardiniera and children carrying pails of Malort from the local well.

Cute! Man Still Thinks Friends Will DM Him For The Address Of House Show

“Bro, I live in Portage Park now,” said Hugh Friedkin, 29, Pearson’s former improv teammate and writing partner. “I have like, a house and a wife and like, a kid. I can’t be DMing someone to ask where their show is. That part of my life is over now.”

Andersonville Woman Devastated to Learn La Colombe Isn’t a Local Mom and Pop

Stolling up Clark, the wind in her hair, Croslen congratulated herself on being so much better than all those people that shop at Am*zon. 

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