Chicago News

The Weather Announces It’s Also Retiring If Tom Skilling Isn’t There to Predict It

EARTH — Following the retirement of WGN-TV’s weatherman Tom Skilling after a 45 year long television career, Weather has announced that it too will be retiring by the end of March, saying that won’

BREAKING: Trump Indicted or Fined or There Was a Court Case or Something, We’re Kind of Checked Out

Initial findings reveal that it probably involves something about the ninety-one charges he’s facing across four separate trials or whatever.

Alinea Announces Valentine’s Rebrand to Cater to Singles: Alonea

LINCOLN PARK — As couples, situationships, throuples and roving polycules head to restaurants around the city to celebrate Valentine’s Day, Chicago’s singles are once again wondering what this roma

Woman Misplaces Boyfriend, Accidentally Brings Home Another Man With a Mustache and Chicago Flag Tattoo

“Look, in my defense,” Birchnell, who is being charged with Circumstantial Kidnapping and Stereotyping, “my boyfriend looks exactly like most of the men in Chicago.” 

Man Technically Doing a Dry January if You Count Lack of Skin Care

As temperatures drop into single and negative degrees, Marshall seems to be holding fast to his avoidance of any kind of skin care, despite peer pressure from his friends who are regularly moisturizing.

Yellow Line Returns, but Hasn’t Seemed the Same Since the Accident

“I heard someone on the platform say something like ‘good to have the Skokie Swift back,’” said Greg Watkaski, 48, a pharmacist, “come on, man, have a little tact. What if the Yellow Line heard you calling it by its nickname from the glory days?”

Salesforce Tower Opens on Wolf Point Just in Time to Get Die-Harded for Christmas

“They shot Jeff, which sucks, but he talked shit to the German guy and that’s the easiest way to get shot during a Die-hard.”

Foxtrot and Dom’s Merge, but Aren’t Renaming to “Domfox”, Furry Chicagoans Outraged

The Chicago furry community however, is left wanting more, as they so often are, upon realizing that the new consolidation won’t be dubbed ‘DomFox.”

Millennium Park Construction Explained: The Bean to Be Replaced With Pickleball Courts

Cloud Gate — affectionately known as “The Bean” to locals — was opened to the public in 2006, and immediately became a must for people looking for free things to do on dates that aren’t going very well.

Woman Crosses Her Arms When Delayed Train Finally Arrives To Show She’s Disappointed

IRVING PARK – This past Thursday, longtime Chicago resident Cassidy Madison, 38, was seen standing at the Brown Line platform, shaking her head with disgust and pointedly pointing at her imaginary