Last year the department tried a similar strategy with neon-green relish, but had to pull the trucks after numerous citizens complained, believing it to be some kind of toxic spill.

“I’m going to miss flicking off the Trump sign,” said Linda Matherson, 46, “it wasn’t a lot, but it was my form of protest. I certainly can’t see myself flicking off Mr. Taft. He looks like the mascot for a gourmet cookie company.”

“It should be coming any second now, I just know it.” said Singh, seconds before his arrest. Officers at the scene then charged Singh for felony failure to give up and chalk it up as a loss.

Chicago Health Officials Warn Weather Conditions May Make It Easier To Slide On Icy Sidewalk Into An Open Mouth Kiss With A Handsome Stranger

EDGEWATER—In a public safety warning, Chicago City Health Officials are warning that the snowy and cold weather conditions of the past few weeks only make it easier to slide on an icy sidewalk into

Partiers in Old Town Discover Soft Dancefloor Made of Previous Partiers

“Honestly, though, I’m just bummed I don’t have the energy to move from this spot now that it’s been blown up,” Redezka concluded with a faint, dry cough. “The parties down in Wicker sound like a LIT place to perish.”

Bachelors Gearing Up For Slops And Goops Season

If it pours out of a spoon, ends up on your face when you eat it and can be sopped up with a big, cloudy slice of white bread then by Jove, you’ve got a goop my friend.”

After Ending Cash Bail, Illinois Officials Reassure Constituents They Still Have Lots of Other Ways to Criminalize Poverty

Together with other Illinois Officials, Matthews reaffirmed his devotion to the work of creating bureaucratic red tape that makes living under the poverty line near-impossible.

Speaker Chris Welch Addresses Illinois House for the First Time by Putting Mike Madigan on Speakerphone, Holding Phone up

“I want to assure you all that Rep. Welch will be fully in control of his role as speaker of the house,” said Rep Madigan over the phone, “but I will occasionally pop in via phone or maybe just brood in the background behind him like a Sith Lord.”

Citing COVID-19 Vaccine Shortage, Second Dose Replaced With Little Kiss on Injection Site

According to new IDPH guidelines, the little kisses will be administered by medical professionals and can be “as dainty or wet as the patient requests, but no tongue.”