NORTH AVE. BEACH – Chicago’s manliest festival is fast approaching, and fans are counting down the hours until they can watch the spectacular performance over beautiful Lake Michigan. Die-hard Air and Water heads however, are noticing a troubling pattern emerging. It looks like this year, as always, is going to feature a lot more air than water.
“Obviously we’re huge fans of the Air and Water Show,” Holly and James Donnelly, 74, confided in our reporters. “But recently we’ve been a bit concerned by the unfair distribution of talent. The stunning shows put on by the Blue Angels really takes all the attention, and the water has absolutely nothing to do.”
Advertisement:
“I’m not going to lie and say that we don’t feel more than a little upstaged,” Local boat ‘Miss Windy’ chimed in. “I’ve tried doing some cool tricks in years past, but nobody even takes notice. It’s not our fault that us boats are a little more confined to our environments. I didn’t choose to be WATER BOUND!”
As is tradition every year, fans will come decked out representing the element of their choice. The “Air” fans sport propeller hats and signs sporting the occultist symbol for air that they can wave about. Water fans usually come fully soaked, freezing, and have to leave halfway through the day to be medically examined. “I just want water to win, just once,” cried superfan Dasani Bluray as he was wrapped in towels in the medical tent.
“It seems like the water is just kind of sitting there, as a backdrop for the planes.” First time festival attendee, Garvin Sothsin, 34, ranted. “So why is it called the Air AND Water Show? That would be like calling a Basketball Game a Basketball and Basketball Court Show.”
