LINCOLN PARK – Annie and Pogo, Lincoln Park Zoo’s beloved pygmy hippos, are making headlines this week as they have vowed to cease all public appearances until they get as much media presence and adoration as Thailand’s It Hippo: Moo Deng.
The demands of the hippos include, “24 hour video feed, fresh vegetables on call, and daily mani-pedis.” Our team inquired how the requests were made since Annie and Pogo haven’t ever been seen reading or writing. “These notes just kept getting slid under my door,” Director of the Lincoln Park Zoo, Nancy Francis, 67, frantically relayed to us. “I don’t know how they did it but those printed out screenshots of Moo Deng clearly meant business.”
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“Chicago zoo animals, they don’t get viral TikTok makeup tutorials or SNL bits. They get relegated to the background of the family reunion picture.” Lincoln Park Zookeeper and Hippo Correspondent Zachary Gotlib, 48, griped to the Genius Herald staff. “Our Midwest animals aren’t glitzy or world-renowned. They just want a spoonful of giardiniera on their feed and a nice chilly breeze on their haunches.”
Fans of Annie and Pogo are taking their side in the matter, although they do have some concerns about the pair’s starpower. “I mean, obviously we love these two,” Zoo attendee and hippo enthusiast Bryson Lee confided to CGH. “But do they have the undeniable relatability and Brat Summer Attitude that Moo Deng is bringing to the table? Not really. They kind of just act like normal hippos. If they started biting people, maybe then they could gain a more dedicated following. I tried the same tactic, and one little chomp got me the promotion at work!”
Until they achieve the elusive status of Moo Deng, Pesto, and that creepy doodle, Bunny, who can talk through buttons, Annie and Pogo have a lot to do to rise in the ranks of Animal Fame.
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“The letters have started getting personal now,” Francis whispered. “They seem to have gotten a hold of my address now and I can’t get through a night without being woken up by Moo Deng’s publicist cursing me out over the phone. I don’t want to say I’m scared of two pygmy hippos, but they hold all the cards right now, and they don’t even have thumbs.”
