“I was psyched when Danny texted me to hang,” said Branton. “I have a roommate, but I’ve been working from home since last March and I felt like I was getting pretty stir-crazy. I was a little wary when Danny said a couple of his friends would be joining us, but I was even more wary when I got there and they didn’t exist.”

The two friend groups, who have come to depend on Booker’s regular Zoom-sci-fi-B-movie nights and Italian apertivo / Mario Kart tournament nights respectively, began threatening legal action Thursday when the group known as “The Nat Pack” formally claimed Booker for their own.

“I remember hearing a loud pop, a smell like ozone and a bright flash of light,” recalled Hughie Felton, 25, who witnessed the phenomenon, “and then all of a sudden instead of the Dreihaus there was just this...sludgy, dripping wet mansion in its place, which sounded like it was filled with the keening of a thousand beasts, none of which had any business being in this reality.”

Vaccine Offered at Lou Malnati’s After Purchase of 10 Mid-Sized Pies

“Moderna, Pfizer, even that new Johnson & whoever, we’ve got them all in the back,” said store manager Drew Novak, 29, while saucing a deep dish. “So even picky eaters will be able to find something on our menu that suits their tastes, shot-wise.”

Emergency Cargo Shorts Broken Out of Glass Case as Temperatures Hit 50

“I’ve just always been more comfortable in shorts,” said Sanderson, gesturing toward his extremely pale legs, “and like, I know if I wear shorts outside when it’s zero I could permanently damage my testicles, but when it hits above 40, that’s perfect shorts weather.” 

Chicago Treats Self To 15% Indoor Dining Increase For Being So Good

“Oh now well I know I probably shouldn’t,” said the 2.7-million-person metropole, 241, “but I’ve just been so good with this whole coronavirus thing so I think I deserve a little reward, don’t you? Plus springtime is just around the corner and I want to have fun!”

CTA Warns Passengers Smoking On Train Will Be Gateway Drug To Chase The Ultimate High Of Smoking The Train Itself

“You could roll it up into a big train joint, I guess,” she said, “probably too big to use in a bong, but maybe if you dismantled the train into smaller segments you could get some rips in...if you could get your hands on a giant’s soda bottle and a big lug nut that’s a train-ready gravity bong with the lake right there…”

Experts Predict a Vibe Based Economy by 2025

The good vibes of this historical moment create an environment where the process of a company going out of business can be very lucrative for its own investors, there are few safer investments than those in the ongoing decay of the domestic economy.

Next Madigan Replacement Resigns Preemptively

At press time, Madigan’s office has already called for hourly emergency press conferences tomorrow, during which the candidates for Cuellar’s position will be sworn in and simultaneously asked to step down.