The Latest

Ald. Burke Announces He’s Retiring to Spend More Time With Schemes

“It’s been a long, beautiful career,” said Burke. “And I plead the fifth.”

Alderman Burke Chicago

CTA to Install Device That Plays Welcoming Jingle When Someone Opens the Doors Between Train Cars

“Best case scenario it’s someone running from something in their car, worst case scenario it’s a group of teenagers. We’ve determined that if a fun jingle played when the door opened, it might make everyone involved feel more welcome.”

Local Man Balances Being Supportive of Comedian Friends, Never Actually Having to Attend An Improv Show

"There’s a delicate coordination to still seem proud of your friends for following their dreams, and never having to give suggestions from uncomfortable chairs in dusty performance spaces."

Report: Bus Driver Idling Just Out of View Until You Order a Rideshare

“We’ve got a little computer der that shows when someone ahead has one of the apps open so we just wait until you break down and click ‘order ride’ before we gun it into view.”

Not Good: Rats Building Something in Alley

Bridgeport — In an alley near the intersection of S Halsted and W 35th street, several residents reported over the weekend that they saw a sizable assortment of rats putting together some sort of m

Mulled Wine All Spices

“And when they handed me a mug of damp spices, I knew I’d beaten the crowd!”

Weird! Paper Airplane Made Out Of Chicago City Wire Only Goes To The Far Right, Always Lands in Toilet

She couldn’t comment on the toilet aspect, except to say that that’s where they ended up, “almost as if they belonged there.”

Darren Bailey Begins Looking For Subletter for Chicago Apartment

“Most nights we got pizza delivered from Lou Malnati’s. Once I got him to walk down Magnificent Mile with me after promising to hold his hand.” 

As Midterms Approach, 40% Of Call With Mom Dedicated to Dismissing Out of Context Chicago Crime Statistics

“We used to discuss how the cat was doing and what she’s planting her garden” said Lauren Green, 35, whose mother lives in Lake County. “Now she’s trying to convince me to sell my car because we’re ‘sitting ducks’ in it”

Chicago Parents Warned to Check Childrens’ Candy for Drugs, Ketchup

“I watch local news every night, so I’m always scared,” said Jessica Montague, 28, a mother of two kids, 5 and 3, “the idea that some sicko could poison my babies with fentanyl or worse, trick them into eating ketchup, is just so disgusting. What’s wrong with people?