Chicago Admits St. Patrick’s Day Parade Held a Week Early So They Can Really Focus On Drinking This Weekend
“After internal discussions within our department and weighing the needs of our team and the citizens of Chicago, we decided ‘who needs all that shit?”
Oscar Awarded to The Bus Driver Who “Didn’t See You” Waiting at Stop
It’s this method of trickery that Wyatt studied as a student of bus driver school.
To Improve Pedestrian Safety, City Urges Residents to Go Full “Bubble Boy”
Instead of the pesky task of implementing traffic control and asking auto- owners not to Wordle and drive, the city went a more defensive route.
Taste of Chicago Announces Move to Chicagoland Speedway
"They offered us Navy Pier, but you really can’t hold this event that close to seagulls."
Naperville Voted “Safest Small City With a Dark Secret” in Nation
“I don’t care if everyone here’s a pod person or a Stepford Wife or if there’s a dang eldritch horror under city hall. I don’t want to know!” Stevenson cried.
The Best Valentine’s Date Locations in Chicago that Are Just Parking Lots Of Byron’s Hotdogs
How can a hotdog be heart shaped you ask?
Man Beginning to Wonder if He Saved Broken Chair for Dibs for Nothing
Patrick McCartney, a resident of Ukrainian Village, is beginning to wonder if he saved a broken folding chair to use for dibs for nothing.
Wicker Park Walgreens Closes: Managers, Employees Sealed in Vitamin Vault to Sell Vitamins in Afterlife
As the store turned off its lights for the last time, employees and one manager were anointed with fragrant oils from the store’s beauty department and allowed to pick one snack to take with them. Walgreens informed us the snack was not for consumption, but to pay the crocodile-headed ferryman to safely shepherd employee souls into the afterlife.
Wrigleyville "Alamo Drafthouse" Opening, "Alamo Whorehouse" Available by Special Request
WRIGLEYVILLE — We’ve been saying for a while that Wrigleyville has the potential to be the Amsterdam of the Upper Midwest.
Three Lions Born at Lincoln Park Zoo, One That Only Lies, One That Tells the Truth, One Regular Lion
“We definitely have our hands full! We’re just happy one is a regular lion,” said Morre. “At least we think it is. There’s a chance it’s also going to do something spooky and mysterious. It could just be waiting to reveal whatever its bit is when the time is right.”