“As soon as I step onto the ice, I can take my mask off and breathe a sigh of relief. Just not too deep, as I seem to be getting a little bit of a cough.”

“My fellow moms will understand me when I say that I’m okay with up to five people dying in order for Jason to dissect a frog in a physical classroom this year. Preferably before March.” 

LAKEVIEW — As the pandemic lurches into the end of its 10th month, Chicagoans are finding lots of ways to beat the cabin fever that’s proved even more formidable than the intense, below-0 winters t

Last year the department tried a similar strategy with neon-green relish, but had to pull the trucks after numerous citizens complained, believing it to be some kind of toxic spill.

“I’m going to miss flicking off the Trump sign,” said Linda Matherson, 46, “it wasn’t a lot, but it was my form of protest. I certainly can’t see myself flicking off Mr. Taft. He looks like the mascot for a gourmet cookie company.”

“It should be coming any second now, I just know it.” said Singh, seconds before his arrest. Officers at the scene then charged Singh for felony failure to give up and chalk it up as a loss.

EDGEWATER—In a public safety warning, Chicago City Health Officials are warning that the snowy and cold weather conditions of the past few weeks only make it easier to slide on an icy sidewalk into

“Honestly, though, I’m just bummed I don’t have the energy to move from this spot now that it’s been blown up,” Redezka concluded with a faint, dry cough. “The parties down in Wicker sound like a LIT place to perish.”

If it pours out of a spoon, ends up on your face when you eat it and can be sopped up with a big, cloudy slice of white bread then by Jove, you’ve got a goop my friend.”

Together with other Illinois Officials, Matthews reaffirmed his devotion to the work of creating bureaucratic red tape that makes living under the poverty line near-impossible.