BRIGHTON PARK — Alderman Raymond Lopez of the South Side’s 15th ward reversed his long held anti-puppy mill stance after trying on a luxurious fur coat made from the skins of several Dalmatians. Ald. Lopez proposed a new ordinance that would reverse the five-year old anti-puppy mill ordinance that he’d previously championed after receiving the high end coat from a Lincoln Park donor.
“Oh, wow,” Ald. Lopez was heard to say as he tried on the coat, “it took how many to make this coat? Oh, well we’re certainly going to need more dogs. Does this come in a Bichon Frise?”
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Ald. Lopez’s sudden shift in attitude toward the ant-puppy mill ordinance has coincided with several new affectations by the 42-year-old Alderman, including smoking cigarettes from a long, ornate holder, bleaching half his hair, and constantly berating his staff to bring him “more dogs for more beautiful clothes. Definitely more than 100, but don’t go overboard”.
The updated ordinance would allow shops to sell purebred dogs from federally approved breeders with clean records, or at the minimum, the ability to cover up any misdeeds, fighting rings, or accidentally-created monster dogs. The new proposed ordinance has come as a shock to animal rights groups that have previously worked with Ald. Lopez.
“This is a complete reversal of legislation that took us years to bring to Chicago,” said Amy Canton, a representative of the Illinois branch of the Humane Society, “But he does look really cool in that coat. I’m not saying my position on this subject could be changed, but perhaps a sleek Weimaraner-skin vest would, I don’t know, help me see things in a different, more fashion-forward light.”
