WHEN SWEET SUMMER COMES TO A CLOSE I’M GOING TO BE SO SAD TO BID FAREWELL TO YOU. THIS SEASON HAS BEEN ONE FOR THE BOOKS, TRULY. ALTHOUGH I WAS NOT ALIVE FOR THE PAST BROODS, AND I’VE NEVER READ A BOOK I’VE BEEN TOLD WE HAVE REALLY MADE OUR MARK ON YOUR BEAUTIFUL CITY. 

I ENJOYED THE SCENIC VIEWS OF THE LAKE SHORE, CATCHING A GAME AT WRIGLEY FIELD, AND DRINKING SO MUCH MALORT THAT MY ESOPHAGUS RUPTURED PERMANENTLY. BUT THANKFULLY I DON’T NEED THAT TO MATE SO I WAS A-OK.

WHEN NEXT YEAR’S BROOD COMES ABOVE GROUND, I KNOW THEY WILL NOT HOLD A CANDLE TO THE BOND THAT WE HAVE FORMED WITH YOU FINE PEOPLE OF THE WINDY CITY. BUT PLEASE BE AS WELCOMING TO THEM AS YOU WERE TO MY GENERATION. ALTHOUGH A LOT OF US GOT SQUASHED WHEN YOU WALKED DOWN THE STREET, I KNOW YOU DID NOT MEAN IT WITH EVIL INTENT. 

AND TO ALL OF MY LOVERS, THE DAY WE SHARED TOGETHER WAS TRULY MAGICAL. I’LL DREAM OF OUR MANY CHILDREN CARRYING ON OUR FAMILY LEGACY OF FREE-WHEELING SEXUAL APPETITES AND LOUD AS FUCK SCREAMING.