College Freshman Bemoans the “COVID-15,” Having Gained 15 Degrees In Body Temperature

ELMHURST — Home for the first time since packing up in August, freshman college student Amy Petras, 18, is bemoaning the infamous “COVID-15,” having gained 15 degrees in body temperature during her time at school. 

“You hear people talk about it,” said Petras, sweating through a light t-shirt in 30-degree weather, “But then you get on campus and it’s so different. I mean, I never thought it would happen to me. I’ve generally stayed at the same temperature my whole life. And now here I am, all 113.6 degrees of me.” Expressing annoyance at the needling comments made by friends and family members, Petras wishes everyone would be more understanding. “There’s so much more to me than my temperature, and to be honest, I’m happy with where I’m at. But apparently the amount I’m sweating or how red my face is has to be up for debate at every single family gathering.”

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“You hear that this is happening, but I guess it didn’t feel real until it was my child,” said Molly Petras, 52, Amy’s mother. “It seems like college has been a great experience overall for Amy. I just didn’t expect her to change in this particular way, and it’s hard to just pretend like it isn’t happening.” Molly Petras has attempted to help her daughter in subtle ways like asking that she wear a mask when interacting with other family members and confine herself to her room while eating, but these measures have gone unappreciated. 

“She’s treating me like a pariah because I came back from school with a high temperature. Like yeah, I’m not your little girl anymore. I have a high fever,” Petras said, rolling her eyes. “All my friends have high temperatures too, and a lot of them are much more feverish than me.” Sticky moments have erupted around meal times and ritual familial wrestling matches. “These used to be our happiest moments as a family,” Petras said, stymying a tear. “And now it feels like no one even wants me around them or touching them at all.”

An uneasy peace has settled in the family for the past couple days, with Amy agreeing to eat Thanksgiving dinner while shut in her room if her mother would agree to let her make one of the pies. “It came out super burnt, but it was still nice for her to be involved,” Molly Petras conceded. 

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Despite the fragile dètente in the household, tension continues to build. “I don’t see why they can’t just get off my back,” complained Petras. “It’s not like having a high temperature is contagious.”

 

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