WEST LOOP — As more restaurants reopen for indoor dining, hungry Chicagoans are flocking to their favorite eating establishments to enjoy the foods and experiences only offered by dining out. With vaccine distribution still underway, many restaurants have turned to contactless delivery methods to ensure the safety of employees and customers and the effects are being felt even at the most elite of restaurants. Diners at New Tokyo Sushi, a hyper-exclusive sushi bar that only advertises in the back of magazines about cigars, were quick to realize that contactless delivery kind of takes the thrill of eating sushi off a nude model.
“Me and the boys were really looking forward to going out and getting a little crazy,” said William Bankford, 36, a self-described “Money Guy,” “but I guess eating sushi off a hot, naked model isn’t really that fun when they’re geared up like a Chernobyl scientist. Eating raw fish off a hazmat suit really isn’t the same.”
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“We’re just trying provide our clients with the same food-based erotic power fantasy they crave while also being safe,” said Arnold Tanaka, 67, the owner of New Tokyo. “We’re imploring our guests to be patient while we work through the difficulties of the pandemic and just try to focus on the sexy, well-toned bodies under the plastic barriers, while not letting them be a constant reminder of the year of living under a deadly disease and a dark reflection on their own decadence.”
“Understandably, if you are unable to finish all the sushi because you’re too depressed,” continued Tanaka, “we’d be happy to box it up for you to take home.”
