So, You Called the Book '1984', '1983'. Now What?

Dear Gabby,

I was at a bar about a week ago, chatting with some friends about politics (blah) and the government (blah blah) and how they are watching (hi) and listening (hello) to everything we do. It was chill. Then someone dropped the word “orwellian” and I, wanting to participate because I’m trying to be more vocal with my opinions, said “Ugh, yeah, we are this close to living in 1983.”

YES. I called 1984, 1983. Who am I?

Thanks to our sponsors:

It was so embarrassing. Everyone laughed. And the worst part of all of this is I love to read. I have a library card.

So, now what?

Dystopian Dummy


Dear Dummy,

Oh big brother! 1983?! 

That is embarrassing. Who are you? Katniss Everreadabookdeen???

Just kidding. This may have felt bad but it’s not that bad. Worse things have happened and when we think of our own dystopian future, worse things will happen. The OASIS is coming.

You said you are trying to be more vocal. Good. Here’s my advice then: rename all the books of the past. You won’t be allowed to read them where you are going anyways. You might as well prank on future generations. These false titles will be your own easter egg for the rebels of any totalitarian regime to find. So, yes call 1984, 1983.

  • Call the Grapes of Wrath, Grape Wreaths
  • Call Of Mice and Men, Mice Men. Mutants will be popular in the coming ages. And mice men will be hot - it’ll be hard not to mate. Use this to your advantage.
  • Call Me by Your Name is just Your Name because you will be calling it by its name which is your name.
  • The Scarlet Letter is now Easy A.  
  • Harry Potter could be You’ve Never Read Harry Potter?!
  • LOTR = Good Lort! Onion Rings.

Listen Ofdennis, just because the future of our planet is questionable and we’ll likely be sucking down mock air and drinking H2.O, doesn’t mean we can’t have fun or live loudly. We are still human after all (hopefully).

Don’t Margaret @wood me,


Follow us

Sign up for the best of The Chicago Genius sent straight to your inbox.