LOGAN SQUARE – To jumpstart the new year on a more health-conscious note, many Chicagoans have opted to dry-out this month. Despite the stereotype of our city being at a constant high ABV, plenty of locals have been choosing alternative beverages. All except for one man, who’s just a little bit behind on his resolution.
Chase Kelley, 32, hasn’t fully caught up yet to the resetting of the new year. “I had big plans to really reinvent myself for 2024. Sorry, 2025.” Kelley slurred to our reporters.“It’s just been so difficult to start my resolution, especially because I’m still doing no-nut November.”
Advertisement:
We spoke to a few friends of Kelley about his delayed Dry January plans. “I hate to say it, but this is pretty typical of him.” Hannah Destry, 28, confided to our reporters. “Last year he was going to do Veganuary, but then invited the friend group out for barbeque on January 5th. He didn’t seem to remember his promise when he was elbows deep in Sweet Baby Rays.”
“Better late than never! Three whole days of not drinking will be hard, but I’m willing to put the work in. That’s why I’m slamming Malört shooters right now, I want to make sure my stomach has a good base to go off of.” Kelley told our team. “I haven’t been sober for 48 hours straight since I moved to Chicago. And I was raised in Wisconsin, so that’s saying something.
We asked Kelley about if he plans to try Dry January again in the future. “Next year I’m gonna really get a head start. I’ll start on the 27th,” he assured us, while cracking open an Old Style.
