DOUGLASS PARK – After announcing he was stepping down from his position within the CTA, former agency president Dorval Carter has stepped into a new role as CEO of Saint Anthony Hospital. Patients and staff of the South Side hospital have reported that Carter is already bringing the same scattered direction and lack of planning to the literal life-and-death situations St. Anthony faces.
Carter has already implemented some of the tried-and-true policies that make the CTA so well-loved and well-trusted. The hospital has cut the employment budget in half, patients are experiencing twice as long wait times, and surgeries keep getting delayed due to poorly scheduled and frankly unnecessary track work.
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The disruptions to service and surgery have reportedly led to similar increases in patient misbehavior at the hospital as seen on the average Red Line train.
“The hallways always smell like piss now, even more than usual. People keep smoking inside, and Carter hired a private security force, but they mostly just look at their phones. People have just started playing Nickleback from their phones at full volume in every waiting room,” Hospital Administrator, Casey Martinez, 46 explained to our reporting team. “But that’s nothing compared to our ‘Ghost Doctor’ issues.”
“The ghost doctor isn't a ghost.” Martinez clarifies. “Nor is it a doctor that does such a bad job at treating a patient that they turn into a ghost. It's a doctor promising they're going to come and they don't — which I guess, wait saying that out loud that might be worse. Well, it’s Carter’s specialty, what can we do!”
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“I guess having a guy in charge who doesn’t have a background in what he’s doing and only seems kinda interested in learning more is bad for operating something?” Head of Hospital Leadership, Samantha Davis, 57, pondered. “He’s never even been inside the hospital before today, but has sent us post cards from hospitals he's visiting in Barcelona?”
Thanks to Dorval’s reputation as someone that can be relied upon to keep things off schedule, poorly staffed and wholly ineffective, he has also just accepted a remote position working for the White House.
