Hyde Park Transforms Back Into Jekyll Park
HYDE PARK — As the effects of the potion wore off early Sunday morning, the Hyde Park neighborhood of Chicago transformed back into Jekyll Park. Residents of the area were surprised to discover that the neighborhood, known for its historic homes, museums, and college campus, was in fact all the result of a long-lasting transformation potion applied by residents in 1948.
“I just couldn’t believe it was all the effect of a potion,” said William Federal, 56, a professor of Land Science at the University of Chicago. “I woke up this morning and stepped outside to get my copy of the Hyde Park Herald—there was an obituary I was excited to read—and noticed my street seemed...meeker, I guess? Like the power and bravado had been sucked out of it.”
Residents report seeing changes take effect around 6AM on Sunday, as the bold architectural style of Hyde Park returned to the understated, drab buildings of Jekyll Park.
“I could have sworn this part of Woodlawn was all historic mansions, the homes of business titans and politicians,” said Cass Polmanoski, 26, a dog nanny, “but this morning when I walked by with Mr. Greene’s dog it was just a street of mid-sized split-level homes with Toyota Camrys parked out front. I walked by Obama’s place but I guess him living here was part of the potion too? When I got there the house was occupied by former US Trade Representative Michael Froman?”
“I guess I’m not really sure what the potion was for, or what it does,” said Polmanoski, before leading a golden retriever away, “did it make the neighborhood cooler? Is this like a ‘Steve Urkel/Stefan Urquelle’ thing?”
Residents saw widespread examples of this “Urkel-ing” of the charismatic South Side neighborhood, such as the Hyde Park Art Center turning back into gallery inside a coffee shop called “Brushstrokes,” and Valois Restaurant turning into a Shoney’s. Visitors to the famous Robie House, designed by famed architect Frank Lloyd Wright, were shocked to see it was now a fairly unremarkable, but nice, home designed by John Saul Gurt, an architect of lesser renown.
“It’s not like things are terrible now,” said Beth Sanderson, 20, a student at the University of Chicago, “it’s just like they’re 50% less cool? Like I brag that I live in Hyde Park, but I think if someone asked me if I lived in Jekyll Park, I’d lie and say I lived in Woodlawn.”
“Yeah, I guess we should have known the potion would wear off one day,” said Federal. “I still have my classes to teach at the University, sorry, the Community College of Chicago. It’s really not bad around here, it’s just sort of...painfully mediocre, I guess.”
Alderman Sophia King says she is quickly acting to see if another potion can be made to restore Jekyll Park to its truest form, but has thus far been unable to find any alchemist, potioneer, or elixirmonger that can replicate the formula.