ROGERS PARK — As the Chicagoland area experiences its first taste of sixty-degree weather for the year, Chicagoans around the city were heading out for long walks in the almost spring-like weather. Stepping out of his apartment building in Rogers Park, Daniel Portsmith, 41, mused that “Spring has sprung” to his wife, Jessica Carter, 42, deeply inhaling air perfumed with a month’s worth of recently thawed dog shit.
“God, it’s beautiful out,” continued Portsmith, stepping over some waterlogged trash that had been trampled into the snow and was no longer recognizable as a takeout container from a local pizza place.
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Ignoring the smell of at least fifty-three separate dog’s feces, left unpicked up by their owners due to the winter weather, Portsmith took Carter’s hand to stroll down the sidewalk toward Pratt Boulevard as if the streets were lined with fresh seasonal blooms and not piles of dog shit.
“We should see if Melissa and Brian want to go for a walk soon,” said Portsmith, letting the sun warm his face as it had the previously frozen animal waste that the owners had left behind, assuming the cold weather and layers of concealing snow would last forever.
“Wow, to think there was twenty-eight inches of snow here!” mused Portsmith, looking at the salt-stained, trash-filled patches of grass, mud, and shit that thawed just a week ago as if it was that field of waving grain from Gladiator. “It’s going to be a gorgeous spring, I can already tell.”
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Portsmith, who’s been working from home since the pandemic started a year ago, had made it a goal to get out and walk around his neighborhood more, but had regularly just walked to his nearby corner store for beer and candy. With the sudden dip in temperatures and heavy snowfalls of February, Portsmith had stopped his excursions almost entirely.
“Chicago is beautiful in the spring,” said Portsmith, looking longingly at the barren trees that will most likely remain that way for at least two more months and then stepping into a pile of dog shit left by a labrador named Cheese in late January.
As of press time, Carter had reportedly shown Portsmith a weather report on her phone showing the high temperatures will be ending this weekend and he’d called Chicago “bullshit” while trying to wipe off his shoe on a pile of soggy newspaper.
