Tom Skilling Completes Summer Summoning Ritual
“Sorry I got kind of a late start this year,” said a perspiring Skilling, eyes blazing from the burning dimensional energies siphoned from the aether. “I’ve heard some blame climate change for the dreary Spring, but the climate doesn’t change until I say so. ”
Tom Skilling Summons First Major Snow Storm of Season
“This mild winter has made you all soft,” bellowed Skilling, standing in front of his green screen, his eyes glowing green and therefore invisible to the loyal channel 9 viewers at home. “Let the Canada Goose jackets be taken from storage. Let the snow times come to pass!”
Exhausted, Glowing Tom Skilling Warns His Powers Can't Keep Polar Vortex Away Much Longer
Skilling, who has been off the air since early March to recover from surgery, emerged from his stasis pod early Sunday and announced, “A tempest grows in the north,” before erupting in green light.