The bodywash, which includes the key ingredients in Harold’s famous mild sauce plus several impossible-to-pronounce detergents, promises to be “a mild shower experience”

“Kids these days eat too much dang sugar,” said Knaizuk, opening up another jar of Marconi hot giardiniera in anticipation of more trick-or-treaters arriving, “so I thought, how about a nice spoonful of giardiniera? Extra oil, of course, ya want ‘em to have shiny hair and rosy cheeks!”

The train color change has long been a significant generator of revenue for the city, with out-of-towners flocking in to admire the vivid hues of the train cars.

Chicago Party Aunt started as a Twitter account in 2016, and was picked up for adaptation by Netflix in 2021, hoping to tap into a Midwest market where they heard people will only laugh if jokes reference their local grocery store chains.

WEST LOOP — In new report Tuesday it was revealed that a Chicagoan, Kevin Hojczyk, 30, a full-time bus rider, managed to consume his entire dinner of chicken thighs, broccoli, and brown rice in und

“It seems to me like we had a perfectly fine system already,” said kayak and old codger aficionado Bradford Fordley Brevins, 44. “You just spent a couple of days casing all 156 miles of the Chicago River until you saw Jude, you asked him ‘how’s it tasting today?’ and he’d give you an example right there on the spot.”

“Specifically,” explained Remington, “These lanes were designed for users who have commuted down Damen Ave. more than once and haven’t immediately said, ‘actually, fuck this’ and thrown their bike into the river.”

“I feel like I can live my truth here,” said Boystown local Casey West, 23. “When I’m lost in the maze, fucking cob after cob, sloppy on the kernels, that’s the real me, you know?”

CDOT officials encourage citizens to report potholes so they may be measured, studied, and given a cute nickname.

Despite the hefty price, their management insists the process is so simple that anyone with enough blood can do it.