CTA

The Latest

Man’s Backpack Taking Up Entire Train Car

“There are elderly people and expectant mothers on this train who’d like to sit down, and many of them were crushed to death.”

Bus Driver Asking Everyone To Kick In A Buck For Gas

49 BUS — In an effort to minimize the impact of the escalating prices, the bus driver on the 49 bus pulled over on Western and Harrison and is asking everyone to throw in a dollar or two before she

Suspenseful: CTA Bus Driver Just Opened The Giant Plexiglass Door For Some Reason

While the feeling of dread amongst the group was palpable, they weren’t short on theories as to how they ended up here in the first place, or possible solutions to get them moving again.

CTA Narrows Down Search for Private Security Team to “Seven Wandering Ronin” or “Experimental Law-Cyborg”

“Clearly this is a hard decision. Both groups have laid out impressive strategies for keeping Chicago’s trains safe, but ultimately we’re going with whoever makes the most sense for the city’s budget without taking one thin dime away from the police force.”

CTA Updates All Arrival Times to Question Marks

“Before, when I’d be waiting on a platform and the scheduled train didn’t appear, I’d feel a horrible chill as the ghost train went by.” said Janet Taylor, 43. “But now I look at the schedule screen and smile, knowing that they’re no longer tormented by a schedule they can’t keep. They’re finally at rest in their final destination, hell.”

Local Hero Really on Top of Warming Lamp Button

“The lamps are amazing,” she said, shivering. “It feels like I put the top half of my head in a microwave. The bottom 95% of my body is so jealous right now.”

The CTA Holiday Train is Back, and This Year’s Theme is Presidents Day

This year's train will not only feature a spectacular light display, but also quiet reverence for the men who have served this nation as commander in chief. The train will travel all the CTA train lines from now until the week of Christmas, which has been the theme for the last several years.

Horrifying: The Train Is Standing for Signal Clearance

“I didn’t think the announcement ‘standing for signal clearance’ was a literal thing,” said onlooker Ricky Martin (no relation), 55. “I figured it was code for waiting for the driver to sober up or something. But nope, there it was, standing up on two beautiful gams.”

Construction Halted on Belmont Flyover as Crews Struggle to Find Allen Wrench They Dropped

The allen wrench, a short length of bent metal with a 3mm hexagonal shaping on the end, is a popular tool in the construction of modern furniture and public works projects. A study conducted in 2015 by the Department of the Interior found that nearly two thirds of public works projects fail because someone was fooling around or being a space case and lost the allen wrench that came with the construction materials.

Heralding Autumn, Green Line Deepens to a Lovely Russet Orange

The train color change has long been a significant generator of revenue for the city, with out-of-towners flocking in to admire the vivid hues of the train cars.