SOUTH CAROLINA — As military and government forces continued searching Monday for a missing F-35 jet that disappeared on Sunday after a U.S. Marine ejected to safety, forces from the Marine Corps Air Station Beaufort began to seek public help to locate the aircraft, canvassing the surrounding area with flyers in case area residents spot the $80 million F-35 multirole combat aircraft in their backyard or an alley.
“F-35s don’t survive too well in the wild,” said LCpl James Anderson, 30, as he slipped a flier under the windshield wiper of a car parked outside the Bojangles just off base. “So the first few days are critical if we want to bring the little guy home.”
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When asked how they lost track of the aircraft, Anderson said that the state-of-the-art war machine had never been tagged with a tracking chip, and was uncomfortable in a collar. The plane went missing after the pilot ejected for reasons the military have not disclosed.
“I’m not at liberty to say why the pilot ejected from the craft,” said LtCol Paul Burton, 43, “so please feel free to speculate wildly. Maybe they had explosive diarrhea. Maybe it was the pilot’s birthday and they wanted to try the cool ejecting chair. You try looking at an eject button all day and NOT pressing it.”
While canvassing efforts are mainly focused in South Carolina, the USMC explained in a statement that this particular plane could be anywhere given that it’s an F-35B, a variant of the F-35, which is built to allow short take offs as well as vertical landings. This versatility really makes it more of an indoor-outdoor plane.
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“It could be in California, it could be on top of your house. The only thing we know for certain is that it's probably confused, scared, and possibly filled with diarrhea,” said Burton.
The USMC says their biggest concern is someone trying to take it home and care for it as their own.
“F-35’s might start out cute, but few civilians are set up to refuel and maintain these beautiful death machines,” Said LtCol Burton. “They’re a working breed, and if you don’t take them out for some Top Gun style maneuvers, they will wreak havoc on your furniture.”
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The USMC is offering a reward for anyone who sees the jet, or finds a jet-sized crater in their area. Upon safe return of the plane you will get one of the missiles as a souvenir and can use it on any target.
