The Latest

BREAKING: Trump Indicted or Fined or There Was a Court Case or Something, We’re Kind of Checked Out

Initial findings reveal that it probably involves something about the ninety-one charges he’s facing across four separate trials or whatever.

USMC Begins Putting up Flyers for Missing F-35

“F-35s don’t survive too well in the wild,” said LCpl James Anderson, 30, as he slipped a flier under the windshield wiper of a car parked outside the Bojangles just off base. “So the first few days are critical if we want to bring the little guy home.

Leading Economist Recommends Priced Out Homebuyers Simply Move to Place That Sucks Ass

“Places with no art scene, places where there’s only one restaurant and it’s called ‘Ketchup on Bread,’ places where everything closes early because a deadly fog rolls in at dusk.” 

Mitch McConnell Affirms He’s Against Term Limits While Wearing Dark Sunglasses, Being Propped Up By Aides

McConnell kept his arms affixed to his two aides and spoke in a trademark southern drawl, but never seemed to actually open his mouth.