Bus Driver Shortage Traced Back To Fateful Field Trip Inside Pinball Machine

September 17, 2021

TRAGIC SCHOOL BUS — Finally uncovering the issue behind Chicago’s ongoing bus driver shortages, teachers and students alike are staggered by the news that the city workers are trapped inside a pinball machine due to a field trip gone awry.

“Yeah, we came in here to look at a prism make a rainbow or something, but then Mrs. Frizkalewski’s shrink ray malfunctioned and we’re all just kind of here now,” said bus driver Lois Patemkin, 62. “It’s very much not where I want to be.” Over twenty bus drivers and one class of children are sheltering in the machine, enjoying the lights and culture inside. “The teacher wanted a bunch of us bus drivers to come along, I guess to show that bus drivers can get small too?” Patemkin continued. “Well, here we are.”

Mrs. Frizkalewski, 34, a peppy science educator with a knack for being strange, has often led her class into unusual scenarios. “I’ve shrunk us into a stomach, a bakery, a zygote—you name it,” said Fritzkalewski, barely dodging an errant pinball. “And this isn’t the first time we’ve gotten stuck either. This shrink ray breaks a lot! Makes you wonder if I should be using it so much. Anyway!”

The bus drivers, mostly staying active through taking turns driving the two buses up and down the pinball display in varying gears, are growing restless, though some acknowledge that the change is not without its advantages. “As long as I still get my pension,” Patemkin noted, “I guess it’s fine.”

The students seem to be adapting to their new settings with ease, quickly developing a new caste system and rule of law appropriate to the scenario. Mostly, they leave the bus drivers be, preferring to cluster on the high ground by the ball drop area.

When asked about what COVID-19 precautions are being taken within the pinball console, student Max Beckford, 8, noted that the rules have grown less stringent of late. “We’ve been in here a month, man,” he noted. “We were masking up for the first few weeks, but to be honest now we’re more worried about scurvy.” 

Despite the delays caused by this field trip gone awry, the students are keeping chipper. “What else would we be doing right now, Beckford said. “Sitting at a desk? Here, I can sit on top of a sticker shaped like a bowling ball! And to me, that’s much better.”

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