asian carp

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Asian Carp Problem in Illinois River to be Solved by Adding Crocodiles to River Followed by Killer Whales to Eat Crocodiles

“Look, we don’t have the time or money for two high-tech fish walls,” said Paul Portokowzik, 53, the head of the Illinois Fish and Game Department, “so we had to think ‘outside the banks,’ a little bit. That’s a river joke, by the way. I’m full of those.”

Report Shows Asian Carp Completely Ignoring “No Asian Carp” Signs Along Illinois River

“They probably can’t read the signs” said local dullard Tim Jeffries. “I can’t believe I’m the only one saying this.”