Wicker Park Walgreens Closes: Managers, Employees Sealed in Vitamin Vault to Sell Vitamins in Afterlife
As the store turned off its lights for the last time, employees and one manager were anointed with fragrant oils from the store’s beauty department and allowed to pick one snack to take with them. Walgreens informed us the snack was not for consumption, but to pay the crocodile-headed ferryman to safely shepherd employee souls into the afterlife.
“It was carnage,” said runner Aubrey Howard, 28. “I was probably 20, 30 meters away when I saw the pileup happening, but at that range there’s really no avoiding it. As a runner, if I have to stop, or go around something, I will literally die.”
The doors started to play Shrek 2 in its entirety on a loop early this week. Employees have tried multiple solutions short of reading the manual, but Shrek remains.
Loosening Of Gym Restrictions Comes As Relief To Wicker Park Yoga Class Frozen in Warrior Two Since November
“I think the whole Warrior series is a wonderful way to get in touch with your whole body and feel grounded and powerful. But after the first few days of being locked into the pose, I was ready to move on, or at least even it out on the other side.”
“I don’t always ask for what I need, when I need it,” Weber said, staring at his reflection in the self-generated puddle at his feet. “And that needs to change.”