Jack von Albade

Jack von Albade's Articles

Desperate Matt Nagy assembles Franken-Passer from crushed QB remains

In an effort to save his job and salvage the 2020 season, deranged Chicago Bears Head Coach Matt Nagy has cobbled together a monstrous new starting quarterback in his secret laboratory beneath Soldier Field.

Man In Best Shape Of Life Desperate To Give It Up For Even A Whiff Of Sports

“Building a big-ass armchair with like twelve cupholders, a grill and a chamber pot. Once baseball’s back I’m never getting up or anything,” said Landis in a tweet accompanied by an animated gif of ALF playing a guitar. 

Exhausted, Glowing Tom Skilling Warns His Powers Can't Keep Polar Vortex Away Much Longer

Skilling, who has been off the air since early March to recover from surgery, emerged from his stasis pod early Sunday and announced, “A tempest grows in the north,” before erupting in green light.