BUENA PARK – Chicago couples know that the number of places to take your boo-thang on Valentine’s Day can be overwhelming. So we’ve compiled a helpful guide for all cuddlers and canoodlers to make sure the most romantic day of the year goes off without a hitch.
Picture it: A folding card table that has legs of all different heights. A dollar store tablecloth that you have to keep from blowing away by weighing it down with parking lot rocks. A Byron's employee shakily roller skates over to your table and presents the most romantic and classy Chicago Valentine’s tradition, a heart shaped hotdog.
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How can a hotdog be heart shaped you ask?
“It was difficult for us to pull off a heart-shaped weiner without it looking like, well, a weiner. Chris Larchmont, 67, a manager of Byron's Hotdogs confided in our reporters. “So we decided to leave a lot to the customer’s imagination. It’s more, the idea of a heart.”
While technically every parking lot in Chicago is BYOB, the management at all Chicagoland Byron’s locations wanted us to clarify that any wine more expensive than $10 is prohibited. Larchmont attempted to hire his nephew to play some classical pieces on his violin, but with Valentine’s Day being on a school night, diners must settle for the acoustics of an employee’s phone stuffed in a red-solo cup.
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Grant Jackson, 24, the social media marketer for Byron’s new parking lot initiative used this opportunity to pitch one final ploy. “Why have a private ferris wheel ride on Navy Pier when you could fight to keep your food from the extremely territorial rats and feral sparrows that occupy all Chicago’s parking lots?” If you and your bae can make it through the night without getting rear-ended by a Honda, then your love can survive any test!
