City Council
The Latest
Chicago’s New City Council Gayest in Nation, Says Middle School Bully
Aiden—a 7th grader at Christopher Columbus Middle School who was held back in 6th grade and now lashes out at anyone he perceives as smart or different—has long plagued Chicago city council members.
City Council Now to Issue Car Boot After Vehicle Registration
Beginning next month, each car registration will include a registration sticker plus a personal do-it-yourself-kit that allows car owners to install a new boot on their own vehicles.
Ald. Ray Lopez’ City Council Seat Dibbed
Just before press time, both Ald. Lopez’ Brighton Park and West Englewood offices were found filled floor-to-ceiling with chairs, and Ald. Lopez was en route to the 15th Ward with a chainsaw. The Chicago Genius Herald will keep you updated as the situation develops.
Chicago City Council Agrees to Redraw Ward Map Tavern Style
“This was the only equitable way to divide up the city,” said Rossana Rodriguez-Sanchez, alderman for the 33rd Ward. “It’s already built on a grid pattern so it makes sense. Also we’re placing one of those plastic three-legged table thingies in the center of the city.”
City Council Releases Updated Version of Aliotta Haynes Jeremiah’s “Lake Shore Drive” to Prove New Name Just as Catchy
Among opponents of the name change is Mayor Lori Lightfoot, who plans on voting against the measure, and has submitted a counter proposal to rename it “Lightfoot Drive,” and was trying to book some time at a local recording studio.
City Officials Say Chicago Air and Water Show Approval Will Largely Depend on How Much Assistance Mecharahm Needs With Three-Headed Mike Madigan Currently Emerging From Meteorite
Initial analysis for this current bout doesn’t look positive, as the three-headed Mike Madigan is capable of emitting large arcs of electromagnetic energy from several specialized organs on its back, and its scaly carapace has proved effective at deterring MechaRahm’s most potent ordinance.
Chicago Considers Ban on Single Use Plastics, Replacing Them With One Communal Fork We Can All Use
"We wanted to go high shelf on this one and ended up buying the sterling silver fork that Elvis used before he died on the toilet. The people of Chicago demand quality.”
