The Latest

Naperville Voted “Safest Small City With a Dark Secret” in Nation

“I don’t care if everyone here’s a pod person or a Stepford Wife or if there’s a dang eldritch horror under city hall. I don’t want to know!” Stevenson cried. 

The Bear Season 2 Moves to Arlington Heights

“We might even change the name from ‘of Chicagoland’ to ‘of Chicago’ to really capture the suburban ideology of identifying with Chicago while also resenting most aspects of what makes it unique.”

Metra Plans High School Kegger Trains to Promote Lollapalooza Ridership

Inspired by the Metra promotion, the CTA hopes to increase Gen Z ridership with its new slogan “Buses are Bussin’, No Cap”, despite being labeled cringe.

Soldier Field to Be Made Into Mattress Firm if Bears Move to Arlington Heights

“Tickets to Bears games start at around $90. Admission to Mattress Firm will be free, and I’m offering 10% off all Sealy and Serta mattresses on game days.”

Suburbs Mourn Part of Chicago That Felt Like Suburbs

“The Nordstrom on Mag Mile was my Chicago ‘happy place,’” said Danelle Harris, 60, retired, from Mount Prospect, IL. “When I start feeling out of place in the big city at least I could go in and condescend to an hourly employee about something obviously outside their control. You can’t find that experience elsewhere in the city. Or at least I’ve never looked.”