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The CTA Holiday Train is Back, and This Year’s Theme is Presidents Day
This year's train will not only feature a spectacular light display, but also quiet reverence for the men who have served this nation as commander in chief. The train will travel all the CTA train lines from now until the week of Christmas, which has been the theme for the last several years.
Horrifying: The Train Is Standing for Signal Clearance
“I didn’t think the announcement ‘standing for signal clearance’ was a literal thing,” said onlooker Ricky Martin (no relation), 55. “I figured it was code for waiting for the driver to sober up or something. But nope, there it was, standing up on two beautiful gams.”
Construction Halted on Belmont Flyover as Crews Struggle to Find Allen Wrench They Dropped
The allen wrench, a short length of bent metal with a 3mm hexagonal shaping on the end, is a popular tool in the construction of modern furniture and public works projects. A study conducted in 2015 by the Department of the Interior found that nearly two thirds of public works projects fail because someone was fooling around or being a space case and lost the allen wrench that came with the construction materials.
Heralding Autumn, Green Line Deepens to a Lovely Russet Orange
The train color change has long been a significant generator of revenue for the city, with out-of-towners flocking in to admire the vivid hues of the train cars.
CTA Reintroduces Double Decker Trains as Ridership Returns
For his part, Buckinghamshire was confident that wouldn’t be a problem. “Subway? What, bleedin’ undergound trains? Are you daft? No, Chicago doesn’t have any o’ those. It’s L for ‘Elevated,’ innit?” He smiled confidently as he patted the nose of the nearest railcar. “Don’t you worry, love. Not a bother.”
CTA Pride Train Pledges to Run Over at Least 2 Homophobes This Month
“Here at the CTA, we’re trying not to be like every other corporation co-opting the aesthetics of pride to hawk our services. This year, we’d like to use our actions to demonstrate our values. Actions like pancaking a few guys who suck here and there. I dunno, we’re trying it out!”
CTA Installs Heat Lamps for Its Heat Lamps
“For years, we’ve fielded complaints about how weak the heat lamps are at our outdoor CTA stations,” said Morlin VanDel, 43, spokesperson for the CTA. “Today, we do something about it. Keeping our heat lamps warm is our number one priority.”
Left Unchecked, Red Line Expansions Could Spread All Over City By Mid-2040s, Providing Dangerous Levels Of Interconnectedness And Convenience
CHICAGO — With the construction of the Red-Purple Bypass at Belmont Station well underway and further expansions to the South Side of Chicago coming soon, according to the CTA, experts are beginnin
Man Pushing Way Onto Packed Blue Line Train At 8:30 AM Just Wants To Get In On The Fun
“A lot of times, four or more packed trains will go by before I can get on one,” said Everson, beaming with pure glee. “The train is so popular every single day, and I feel lucky that I even have the opportunity to ride it.”
Christmas Miracle! Guy Hit By The Christmas Bus Going to Be Fine
The whole thing played out exactly like the holiday classic “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” only instead of a sweet old granny being bowled over by one of Santa’s enthusiastic pets, it was a man being fully run over by a bus.
