science & tech
“This is for the gentle Diplodocus you fuck,” whispered paleontologist Danny Rodriguez, 38, as he wiped tears from his eyes and emptied three consecutive magazines from an AK-47 into the lifeless piece of space metal.
“We’re really looking for someone as silent as a blade of grass, as deadly as time itself, and skilled in object oriented programming. So far Nick is zero for three.”
“We have a flip flop just for squishing bugs,” smirked Scott. “We live in a basement apartment so it gets a lot of use, but this was the first spider we've seen in a while, or really any kind of bugs. And come to think of it, that was a comparitively small spider.”
Apple announced that alternative clothing retailer Hot Topic would be their first ever exclusive merchandise partner, calling the decision “a new phase — no, it’s more than that.”
Rogue scientist Dr. Wilhelm Scull addressed the world today via satellite take-over to deliver a dire, strongly worded message. “Peoples of the Earth,” he began from an undisclosed location, “come on….what are we doing here?"
"It’s basically like the Bible meets Plato's Allegory of the Cave, but with robots. It completely rips.”