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Kris Bryant Returns to Wrigley Field to Pick Up The Rest of His Shit

WRIGLEY FIELD — With the San Francisco Giants in town to play the Cubs, beloved former Cubs third baseman Kris Bryant made his first return to the Windy City since being traded in July.

Ricketts Family Unveils Plans for “Poors Only” Bleachers At Wrigley Field; Cubs Fans Rejoice

Todd Ricketts clutched a sack with a large dollar sign printed on the outside as he reassured the entirely unconcerned crowd that “binocular rentals will be available for these peons.