At first, I didn’t think anything of the High Noon cans littering the sidewalk. Then I saw one man in a Cubs hat and just figured he was a casual fan. But then, like a hoard of locusts reigning plague upon the Egyptians.
“Wrigleyville is a perfect example of what can happen when straight people are given too much leeway, for too long,” Arlo Dates, 21, ranted. “Obviously everyone deserves a chance to feel included and celebrated… but enough is enough.”
WRIGLEYVILLE — We’ve been saying for a while that Wrigleyville has the potential to be the Amsterdam of the Upper Midwest.
“I was deeply moved by the gracious reception I received returning to Wrigley Field,” said Bryant of the video tribute and standing ovation in his honor at Friday’s game, “but really I just wanted to come and pick up the rest of my shit. I had some stuff in my locker I didn’t have space to grab during the move, and it means a lot that the guys didn’t take it to a Goodwill.”
Todd Ricketts clutched a sack with a large dollar sign printed on the outside as he reassured the entirely unconcerned crowd that “binocular rentals will be available for these peons.