Lori Lightfoot

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Mayor Lightfoot Hastily Installs Bridges She Can Raise in Front of CPS Schools

“Trust me, the idea to install bridges and raise them to send a message to the CTU makes way more sense than when she wanted to install bridges to block COVID instead of reinstituting the mask mandate.”

Mayor Lightfoot Declares Chicago Will Reopen for July 4th After Making Trip to Indiana to Buy Fireworks

“I can only confirm that the Mayor is ready for this city to get back to normal, and that her cookout this year is going to be, according to her, ‘lit.’”

Strike Over! Lori Lightfoot Has Announced She's Giving Chicago Teachers Tickets To Imagine Dragons At Lincoln Yards

“That’s...not actually how any of this works,” said a nonplussed rep for the CTU, presumably stunned into speechlessness by the opportunity to see the pop megastars responsible for “Radioactive,” “Thunder” and “Whatever It Takes.” “We’re currently still negotiating. Mayor Lightfoot can’t just...we’re not interested in tickets to Imagine Dragons.”