Chicago
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The New Bitcoin? Meet The Man Who Still Keeps All Of His Old Improv Student IDs In His Wallet
LINCOLN PARK — Some objects are made valuable—things like jewelry, cars, or large Persian rugs are slapped with gag-worthy price tags before even hitting the market.
As CTU Prepares to Strike, Teachers Are Forced to Buy Own Picket Sign Materials
CHICAGO — As tensions between Chicago Public Schools and Chicago Teachers Union escalate around teachers’ concerns about reopening in-person education amidst a surging pandemic, teachers in the uni
As Tier 1 Restrictions Return, Field Museum Offers Free Refrigerated Storage For Illinois Residents Who Die On Premises
MUSEUM CAMPUS — As Chicago’s returning Tier 1 COVID restrictions begin to allow for the return of limited indoor dining and in-person visits to cultural institutions, the Field Museum has reopened
Tech Guy Microdosing Vaccine
“I got it through work, because I’m an essential worker,” farted Jacobs, who is an appsplainer for the dog recycling app DisemBARKR, an app which recycles dogs.
Miss Rona to Buy Gold Coast Mansion
GOLD COAST — Even though U.S.
Tom Skilling Summons First Major Snow Storm of Season
“This mild winter has made you all soft,” bellowed Skilling, standing in front of his green screen, his eyes glowing green and therefore invisible to the loyal channel 9 viewers at home. “Let the Canada Goose jackets be taken from storage. Let the snow times come to pass!”
Exclusive: We Caught up With the Carjackers and Now We're Walking Home
We don’t really want to talk about it.
Millennium Park Ribbon Still Open To People Who Think Everything Is Normal
“As soon as I step onto the ice, I can take my mask off and breathe a sigh of relief. Just not too deep, as I seem to be getting a little bit of a cough.”
Chicago Public Schools Expand From Underpaying Teachers to Killing Teachers
“My fellow moms will understand me when I say that I’m okay with up to five people dying in order for Jason to dissect a frog in a physical classroom this year. Preferably before March.”
Chicago Launches Fleet of Celery Salt Trucks
Last year the department tried a similar strategy with neon-green relish, but had to pull the trucks after numerous citizens complained, believing it to be some kind of toxic spill.
