snow time

The Latest

Man Beginning to Wonder if He Saved Broken Chair for Dibs for Nothing

Patrick McCartney, a resident of Ukrainian Village, is beginning to wonder if he saved a broken folding chair to use for dibs for nothing.

Chicagoans Brace for Record-Breaking Radiator Heat Wave

“We’re looking at a real chance for a ‘shorts and tee Christmas’".

City Runs Out of Salt, Covers Ground in Herbes de Provence

If the ice situation does not improve by tomorrow, city officials intend to add smoked paprika, freshly cracked black pepper, and garam masala to the mix.

Knocking Sound of Radiator Turning On Celebrated Like Knock of Son Returning Home From War

Local couple Ann Morris, 31, and Ralph White, 30, hearing the pipes of their apartment building’s 40-year-old radiators knocking as they filled with steam for the first time this season, rejoiced as if their long lost son, missing in The War and believed dead, was knocking on their door after an Allied victory.

Bad Winter Ahead? The Farmer’s Almanac Ends in Mid-February with the Forecast “And The Ice Takes Us”

Auld Farmer Jaenkins, the publication’s current editor, explained that the “Methods of prognostification used here at Farmers’ Almanac are as tried and true as any at an ‘Englishs’ weatherporium.’

Anna Hart and Edmund Pathfinder

Point/Counterpoint: Jamie Is Still out There Somewhere in the Snow Time

In his heart, Jamie knew the risks. He made a sacrifice - the ultimate sacrifice - so that he could get you, Anna, to safety.

“I Heard It’s Going to be an Early Spring,” Predicts Asshole Who Knows Nothing

“I Heard It’s Going to be an Early Spring,” Predicts Asshole Who Knows Nothing

Chicagoans Gather at Crosswalk to Receive the Holy Slush

“What the fuck!” proclaimed Markus Delante of Lower West Side as a 2009 Honda Civic piously accelerated into a pure trough of winter slop, anointing Markus in the holy gray gunk.