As the fever pitch of summer rolls into September, Chicago is racked with turmoil and strife unprecedented.
Black, white, brown, purple, green, polka dot, are just some of the colors I cannot see because I am a succulent plant incapable of distinguishing between different wavelengths of light.
Alain Germain Duphraine IV PhD Candidate in Poli Sci
Sorry Leftists, But Socialism Never Could’ve Produced The Conditions Necessary To Create Buffalo Wild Wings
These are the facts: capitalism breeds innovation because it allows us to push resources to where they’re most needed—like boutique ice cream stores that serve cardamom-and-nettle custard for $7.50 a scoop.
In these unprecedented times, I think we’re all finding ourselves with a sudden glut of space for self-reflection.
Mercy - a concerned coyote
Note from the Editor: In the interest of fairness, we are running an op-ed by another of Chicago's scavenger populations, but this is in no way to be interpreted as an endorsement of any non-ra
The Beleaguered Friends Of Performers
If We Come To Your Theatre Company's Fundraiser, We Want You To Promise You Won't Do Any Weird Plays In 2020
You cannot call us up on stage during an “experimental” theater piece if you are going to make. Us. Wear. Your. Clothes. And. Pretend. To. Be. Your. Own. Cat. Who. Is. In. Heat. We are not doing that!!!
So Your Dog Can Wear Boots And Sweaters But Can’t Ask Me Any Polite Follow-Up Questions About My Hand Loom?
It’s just an interesting double standard, Beth, that your dog can wear a sweater on its chest and four boots on its hooves but can’t ask me any polite follow-up questions about my hand-looming practice.
To solve this strike we must take a large, ceremonial sword and cut every student enrolled in public school in half, but on a horizontal plane, not vertical because they’d all die. If we just cut off their legs, only some will die, but others will thrive as my plan makes Chicago’s public school system the envy of the world.
How many times has this happened to you? Things are getting a little hot and heavy in the boudoir, and you tell your current partner it’s okay if they want to get a little rough with you.
M’ladies and gentlemen of the venerable Student Council, I am but a humble man.