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Card Table Next to Dumpster Is Restaurant’s New Patio

“There is a lot of trash in there. You just won’t see us put it in there while you’re eating.”

Woman Having Good Day Until Realizing There’s a Cubs Game

At first, I didn’t think anything of the High Noon cans littering the sidewalk. Then I saw one man in a Cubs hat and just figured he was a casual fan. But then, like a hoard of locusts reigning plague upon the Egyptians.

Shane van Gisbergen Clinches NASCAR Win by Taking Shortcut Through Art Institute Impressionist Wing

The shortcut — which briefly took van Gisbergen off the track and up the stairs of the museum — allowed van Gisbergen to pass through the Deering Family Galleries wing and out a window back to the track. While maneuvers like this are not encouraged by NASCAR, they are allowed if the driver makes it look cool. 

NASCAR Race Planners Say Chicago Commuters Can Join Race if They Really Need to Get Somewhere

Commuters, public transportation and emergency vehicles have all been given the go-ahead to join the race if they’re trying to get somewhere, but have been warned they will not be allowed to win unless they drive the full race.

City Honors Pride Month by Shutting Down Wrigleyville

“Wrigleyville is a perfect example of what can happen when straight people are given too much leeway, for too long,” Arlo Dates, 21, ranted. “Obviously everyone deserves a chance to feel included and celebrated… but enough is enough.” 

Fledgling Pigeon Eating Garbage Really Getting a Hang of This Pigeon Thing

Onlookers estimate the pigeon must have been no more than two months old, but said it was eating trash off the ground in the alley like a bird who’d been doing it for years.

Chicago’s New City Council Gayest in Nation, Says Middle School Bully

Aiden—a 7th grader at Christopher Columbus Middle School who was held back in 6th grade and now lashes out at anyone he perceives as smart or different—has long plagued Chicago city council members. 

Logan Square Attempts to Top Last Years “Horny” Farmers Market by Rebranding as “Sex Central”

LOGAN SQUARE – Last summer, Logan Square’s historic farmers market was granted the spotlight when they became infamous as “

Patrons Who Sat Though ‘Beau Is Afraid’ on Music Box Theater Seats Eligible for Chiropractic Compensation

"Look, this theater was built in 1929. Back when people would be happy to get pierced in the butt by rusty springs if it meant they could see a moving picture on the screen. You have to see this in perspective."

Chicago Smoldering Crater One Day After Johnson Inauguration

If only Chicago had listened to right-leaning news outlets that warned them Johnson would doom everyone.