Chicago
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Riot Fest Attendees Announce Plans to Take It Easy; Not Push Themselves Too Much This Year
“Oh I’ll for sure stay for The Misfits Saturday, but I’ll probably leave a bit early to beat traffic” said Mike Wilson, 43, owner of a bike shop in Avondale. “I don’t want to keep the babysitter too late, and I’d like to get some gardening done first thing in the morning.”
West Side Cop Academy Constructing Fake Courtrooms for Cadets to Simulate Misconduct Hearings
“We try to prepare our cadets for the situations they’re likely to encounter while on the job,” said instructor Jim Nowak, 52. “And for a lot of officers, that involves allegations of misconduct.”
After Receiving Order, Harold’s Chicken Employee Places Egg in Incubator
After the hatching process, Harold’s employees look after the chicks until they are fully grown, about 18 weeks time.
City Council Now to Issue Car Boot After Vehicle Registration
Beginning next month, each car registration will include a registration sticker plus a personal do-it-yourself-kit that allows car owners to install a new boot on their own vehicles.
Out-Of-Towners Agree “That’s A Big Lake”
“Every time I see Lake Michigan,” he says, “I just think of how small I am. I am nothing. I’m a speck of dust in a universe that continues to expand.”
The Bear Season 2 Moves to Arlington Heights
“We might even change the name from ‘of Chicagoland’ to ‘of Chicago’ to really capture the suburban ideology of identifying with Chicago while also resenting most aspects of what makes it unique.”
Chicago Signs Deal For 10 More Years of Lollapalooza, Then 10 Years of Famine
After the news broke, Chicagoans began stocking up for the years of devastation that will follow the years of Bad Bunny and Loona. Residents citywide cracked open their grain silos to fill with Italian beef, with mothers jarring giardiniera and children carrying pails of Malort from the local well.
Andersonville Woman Devastated to Learn La Colombe Isn’t a Local Mom and Pop
Stolling up Clark, the wind in her hair, Croslen congratulated herself on being so much better than all those people that shop at Am*zon.
New Divvy Bike Only Accepts Gold Coins
Divvy says specially sized gold coins are available at newly installed kiosks, and that other gold coins may work, but if it’s too small or isn’t pure enough gold, the machine will eat it.
Mysterious Racer L Vows to End Chicago Drag Racing One Week After Mayor Lightfoot Disappears in Big Wreck
The enigmatic maverick’s sudden appearance has captivated Chicagoans citywide, most of all the late Lori Lightfoot’s younger brother Speed Lightfoot, 17, who had always dreamed of following in his older sister’s footsteps as mayor of Chicago and also professional racecar driver, which she sort of did on the side.
