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Chicago Parents Warned to Check Childrens’ Candy for Drugs, Ketchup
“I watch local news every night, so I’m always scared,” said Jessica Montague, 28, a mother of two kids, 5 and 3, “the idea that some sicko could poison my babies with fentanyl or worse, trick them into eating ketchup, is just so disgusting. What’s wrong with people?
Michael Jordan Steak House Now Serving Filet Mignon Garnished With Jordan 11s
Once a popular attraction in the heyday of Bulls basketball (pre-Derrick Rose injuries), Michael Jordan’s Steak House has unfortunately lost touch with many of the Chicagoans who often categorized their dining experience there as “fine” and “sports-themed.”
Experts Warn Mariano’s Purchasing Jewel Could Put Too Much Strain on City’s Jazz Trio Population
CHICAGO — With grocery giant Kroger exploring purchasing its competitor, Albertsons, it seems likely that Kroger-owned Mariano’s will soon own Jewel-Osco.
Redirection of South Shore Line Drops Indiana Riders Directly Into Lake Michigan
GARY, IN — Amid ridership approaching pre-pandemic levels and a continuing labor shortage with no end in sight, Northern Indiana Commuter Transportation District (NICTD) has announced they will be
Midwesterners Wearing Confusing Mix of Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring Attire
“I don’t really officially switch till the first snow,” said Billy Wiencox, 28, an account manager who was interviewed by The Chicago Genius Herald wearing a fleece vest, long sleeve tee, shorts, sandals, and knit hat.
CTA Says Buses and Trains Are Actually Running Regularly, You Just Have Bad Timing and Have Also Been Acting Really Weird Lately
Thompson said customers who complain about regularly missing their rides said the train or bus literally just left before you got there.
Chicago Half Marathon Organizers Apologize for Shortening Race, “We Didn’t Think Anyone Would Complain About Running Less”
Organizers of the annual race have apologized to the participants, offering refunds despite being surprised people were angry about having to run less.
Report: Conversation Unlikely to Survive Passing ‘L’ Train
The two, who had run into each other by chance on the platform, and engaged in a stilted conversation about the new Game of Thrones series, House of the Dragon, were seemingly unaware of the particular peril that hung over their urgent disquisition.
Guy Riding Down Western on Scooter Either Going to be Fine or Instantly Dead
Several described the sight as fraught-but-entrancing as watching a tightrope walker or Will Smith flying a jet through a canyon in Independence Day.
City Paints Bike Lanes Into Hopscotch Trails Just for Fun
“Bikers know by now that we will do absolutely nothing to protect them against the aggressive two thousand pound cars that could flatten them at any moment. So we’re embracing it!”
